At any point were you intending to stop acting as if I'm going to set you on fire if I so much as glance in your general direction? This ceased to qualify as 'giving each other space' around two weeks ago.
[It takes a good ten to twenty minutes before a response comes back.]
Hey, I'm well aware that setting people ablaze is not in the range of abilities you were blessed with!
But I guess I just was making sure I didn't trod on your toes, Dirk. It's very evident you have had more time to get used to this strange place than I have, and I am very out of my element here.
[5:31AM] I'm aware of the cliché nature of that statement but also that it holds true in this instance. We both have a few things to explain to each other. I'm not going to hold you accountable for what you said while under the influence of demonic flora, even if some of it had a basis in truth. But I think we're both aware of what happens between us when we don't air our respective grievances. You've stated time and time again up until this point that we're still friends and we have been through more than enough bullshit for this not to be more than a particularly unpleasant bump in said friendship. I refuse to believe that the word of a troll you've barely known for a few months will finally be the thing that drives a permanent wedge between us. My personal perspective aside I'm of the moderately disturbed opinion that you're missing or deliberately overlooking for reasons unknown several important pieces of information when it comes to him. And I would really like to understand why that is, amongst other unrelated or partially related queries. So, any time you're feeling ready for a mature discussion, I'll be waiting.
[6:53AM] If you draw this out for long enough that I start sounding like a desperate tool again I can't begin to tell you how unimpressed I'm going to be. I was under the impression that we were past that.
im on my wway back to the hivve dont be alarmed by howw much a literal bloody mess i am wwhen i come in im fine xi healed me and such just figured id givve you a forewwarnin before i come in soaked in my owwn blood
[And after everything. Sollux's death, Dirk's fight, the run in with Feferi, the talk with Xion, he finally finds the time to contact Jake. It isn't till now he's realized he hasn't spoken to him in a while, and that he actually really misses him right now. But, with everything that's happened, he'ls pretty hesitent. Will Jake be pissed at him too?]
jake you there i think wwe need to talk about a feww things thats happened
I originally intended to leave this for longer. We both needed to cool off and some distance can't hurt at this point. But I've been thinking and I've been given some affirmation of just what kind of person I am and I am not the kind of person who gives up. I should never have needed that to be confirmed but recent events have left my psyche far more unsure of itself than it ever normally is and there's only so much cognitive dissonance I can take at any one time. As you know. First of all, I'm never going to agree with your fraternization with Eridan, but I don't expect you to turn on him for my sake. If you're making a mistake it's something you'll realize on your own, but it wouldn't hurt you to be a bit more sceptical. That's only a footnote, however. Being around you is difficult for a number of reasons and Eridan doesn't influence any of them. Seeing you is a reminder of a lot of mistakes I've made that I'll never be able to set right. Too much has happpened to just carry on with things the way they were and there are several issues that certainly beg discussion. Which brings me to my second point. I can't let things slip through my fingers when there still might be a chance. It has to start somewhere. I'm not the same person that I was. If you want to know the person I am now, I think I'd like that. I don't want to lose you, Jake. I just have to hope that you don't want to be lost.
First of all i'm sorry it took me as long as it did to finally throw a line back your way but i needed to take some time to try and get my thoughts in order. I cant say i've done a very good job but i will certainly try to make a good show of it. So please try and find it in your heart to forgive me if i make a right hash of this whole shebang. But i cant keep leaving this unanswered. I cant quit any more than you can. Here goes nothing.
Cheese and fucking crackers i have written enough to fill approximately three history books and none of it reads right. It seems that i am not exactly the best of wordsmiths. In the end i am probably doomed to make a mess of everything.
Look dirk if theres one thing ive learned in my time in the city its that being around you hurts and not really in a way thats pleasant. And a lot of it is probably because you really arent the bloke that ive known since i was small. Which seems strange because youre a dead ringer for him! Hahaha. But seriously this is no laughing matter.
I just suppose its a right humdinger of a problem because ive known you so long. You and i were practically in diapers together. And to me its not so long ago that you were dumping me for being such a crummy tom jackson! Not that i didnt deserve it. You were completely within your rights and i really am quite the wrong gee. :(
Im making such a rootin tootin FARCE of this whole thing.
Frig friggity frig.
Dirk to me its as though one day we were at odds because im a rube and the next day i was here and youd been dating someone else for several months and we were at odds because...we just were. Theres all this time passed between us and its hard for me to reconcile the fact that the dirk here isnt the dirk that i know. You arent my dirk. Not to say that hes my dirk either! But you arent the gent that was blown up with me only months ago.
Golly gee that all sounds awful and i know its all screwy.
Its true though. You arent the bloke i used to know. That isnt a bad thing i suppose but its something thats going to take me some time to get used to. And while i still refer to you as my best pal its more that you just resemble him quite a bit and you used to be him. My present is your far and distant past i suppose. Its hard to come to terms with that. I know it doesnt matter that i'm having difficulties but its something that has to be said. This is hard.
You used to be my closest friend and honestly even after all the bushwa weve been through theres still no one in the world that i trust more. And thats what matters.
I may not know where to start but i do know that i miss you. I dont expect things to be as they were and honestly i dont even want that. It can stay in the past where it rightly belongs. I would like to know the person you are now dirk. And more than anything i do know that i do not want to be lost.
Anyway so theres that mess and i dont know how to say the rest because i really dont have the words for it. Im sorry. I hope you can forgive me for how balled up all this phonus balonus is.
Maybe we should have just reintroduced ourselves and wiped the slate clean when i first arrived.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2013-09-24 02:11 pm (UTC)This ceased to qualify as 'giving each other space' around two weeks ago.
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Date: 2013-09-24 02:29 pm (UTC)Hey, I'm well aware that setting people ablaze is not in the range of abilities you were blessed with!
But I guess I just was making sure I didn't trod on your toes, Dirk. It's very evident you have had more time to get used to this strange place than I have, and I am very out of my element here.
So I apologize for all the avoidance.
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Date: 2013-09-24 02:33 pm (UTC)That would imply that you'd done something wrong.
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Date: 2013-11-13 03:09 am (UTC)[Guess who is bored out of his mind and has nothing better to do!]
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Date: 2014-01-18 04:20 am (UTC)English, we need to talk.
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Date: 2014-01-18 04:20 am (UTC)I'm aware of the cliché nature of that statement but also that it holds true in this instance.
We both have a few things to explain to each other.
I'm not going to hold you accountable for what you said while under the influence of demonic flora, even if some of it had a basis in truth.
But I think we're both aware of what happens between us when we don't air our respective grievances.
You've stated time and time again up until this point that we're still friends and we have been through more than enough bullshit for this not to be more than a particularly unpleasant bump in said friendship.
I refuse to believe that the word of a troll you've barely known for a few months will finally be the thing that drives a permanent wedge between us.
My personal perspective aside I'm of the moderately disturbed opinion that you're missing or deliberately overlooking for reasons unknown several important pieces of information when it comes to him.
And I would really like to understand why that is, amongst other unrelated or partially related queries.
So, any time you're feeling ready for a mature discussion, I'll be waiting.
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Date: 2014-01-18 04:21 am (UTC)Jake, for fuck's sake, this is not the time to ignore me.
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Date: 2014-01-18 04:21 am (UTC)If you draw this out for long enough that I start sounding like a desperate tool again I can't begin to tell you how unimpressed I'm going to be.
I was under the impression that we were past that.
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Date: 2014-01-18 04:22 am (UTC)Don't force me to sic the AI on you.
He can track and pinpoint your location to within two meters.
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Date: 2014-01-18 04:22 am (UTC)Just tell me where you are.
Please.
the following morning
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From:text; backdated to the 16th
Date: 2014-01-19 06:32 am (UTC)dont be alarmed by howw much a literal bloody mess i am wwhen i come in
im fine xi healed me and such just figured id givve you a forewwarnin before i come in soaked in my owwn blood
txt;
Date: 2014-01-19 07:30 am (UTC)Uh cant say i was expecting anything along those lines.
Did you get blood on the coat i got you?
txt;
From:txt;
From:[text] Later in the evening of the 27th
Date: 2014-01-28 09:10 pm (UTC)jake you there
i think wwe need to talk about a feww things thats happened
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Date: 2014-01-28 09:35 pm (UTC)Yes im here.
Is this about last week?
Because im sorry i was such an absolute rube through the whole thing.
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From:Feb 4, early morning
Date: 2014-02-04 08:28 am (UTC)We both needed to cool off and some distance can't hurt at this point.
But I've been thinking and I've been given some affirmation of just what kind of person I am and I am not the kind of person who gives up.
I should never have needed that to be confirmed but recent events have left my psyche far more unsure of itself than it ever normally is and there's only so much cognitive dissonance I can take at any one time.
As you know.
First of all, I'm never going to agree with your fraternization with Eridan, but I don't expect you to turn on him for my sake.
If you're making a mistake it's something you'll realize on your own, but it wouldn't hurt you to be a bit more sceptical.
That's only a footnote, however.
Being around you is difficult for a number of reasons and Eridan doesn't influence any of them.
Seeing you is a reminder of a lot of mistakes I've made that I'll never be able to set right.
Too much has happpened to just carry on with things the way they were and there are several issues that certainly beg discussion.
Which brings me to my second point.
I can't let things slip through my fingers when there still might be a chance.
It has to start somewhere.
I'm not the same person that I was.
If you want to know the person I am now, I think I'd like that.
I don't want to lose you, Jake.
I just have to hope that you don't want to be lost.
Feb 7, around 1 a.m.
Date: 2014-02-07 11:07 am (UTC)I cant say i've done a very good job but i will certainly try to make a good show of it.
So please try and find it in your heart to forgive me if i make a right hash of this whole shebang.
But i cant keep leaving this unanswered.
I cant quit any more than you can.
Here goes nothing.
Feb 7, around 2 a.m.
Date: 2014-02-07 11:12 am (UTC)It seems that i am not exactly the best of wordsmiths.
In the end i am probably doomed to make a mess of everything.
Look dirk if theres one thing ive learned in my time in the city its that being around you hurts and not really in a way thats pleasant.
And a lot of it is probably because you really arent the bloke that ive known since i was small.
Which seems strange because youre a dead ringer for him!
Hahaha.
But seriously this is no laughing matter.
Frig.
Feb 7, around 2:15 a.m.
Date: 2014-02-07 11:18 am (UTC)You and i were practically in diapers together.
And to me its not so long ago that you were dumping me for being such a crummy tom jackson!
Not that i didnt deserve it.
You were completely within your rights and i really am quite the wrong gee. :(
Feb 7, 2:25 a.m.
Date: 2014-02-07 11:22 am (UTC)Frig friggity frig.
Dirk to me its as though one day we were at odds because im a rube and the next day i was here and youd been dating someone else for several months and we were at odds because...we just were.
Theres all this time passed between us and its hard for me to reconcile the fact that the dirk here isnt the dirk that i know.
You arent my dirk.
Not to say that hes my dirk either!
But you arent the gent that was blown up with me only months ago.
Golly gee that all sounds awful and i know its all screwy.
Feb 7, 3:00 a.m.
Date: 2014-02-07 11:25 am (UTC)You arent the bloke i used to know.
That isnt a bad thing i suppose but its something thats going to take me some time to get used to.
And while i still refer to you as my best pal its more that you just resemble him quite a bit and you used to be him.
My present is your far and distant past i suppose.
Its hard to come to terms with that.
I know it doesnt matter that i'm having difficulties but its something that has to be said.
This is hard.
Feb 7, 3:02 a.m.
Date: 2014-02-07 11:27 am (UTC)And thats what matters.
Feb 3, 3:30
Date: 2014-02-07 11:30 am (UTC)I dont expect things to be as they were and honestly i dont even want that.
It can stay in the past where it rightly belongs.
I would like to know the person you are now dirk.
And more than anything i do know that i do not want to be lost.
Feb 7, 3:40 a.m.
Date: 2014-02-07 11:32 am (UTC)Im sorry.
I hope you can forgive me for how balled up all this phonus balonus is.
Maybe we should have just reintroduced ourselves and wiped the slate clean when i first arrived.
Feb 7, 4am
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